Schools Out, Now What?
By Thomas Freese, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor and Expressive Therapist
May 2007
Imagine if you will a place beyond space and time, endless summer days stretching on and on, with the hum of the air conditioner hypnotizing your ability to respond to your kids as they say, again and again, “We’re bored…” Yes that annual rite of parent-child bonding has returned. It’s back—summer vacation. Picture yourself as the Griswalds driving to Dizzyland. I’d recommend keeping three questions in mind when you plan—whether that plan is made in April or weekly or daily during the summer. 1. What’s safe and fun for my kids? 2. What’s safe and fun for me? 3. What’s safe and fun for the kids and me?
Parents are quite familiar with balancing these issues; you’ve actually done it all year. You just need to loosen up about how to deal with a sudden influx of massive amounts of free time. Get a blank sheet of paper and prepare to make some lists, but at the same time, be ready to toss those notes aside when you get into the heat of summer. Once again, I have questions for you to ask yourself—we therapists love to ask questions: 1. What can my kids do indoors? 2. What can my kids do outdoors? 3. What can my kids do outside my neighborhood, whether near or far away?
So let’s put these issues all together—safety, entertainment value, and location. Starting with in-home possibilities, and depending on the age of your children, purchase materials for creative fun. Go out and buy papers (different size, white and construction/colorful), markers, colored pencils, clay, sidewalk chalk, paints and brushes, wooden pieces and glue, glitter, origami paper and so on. When they seem bored and yet amenable to doing arts and crafts, don’t just send them to the corner, as they might see that as punishment. Instead, walk over to the craft stash or art table with them, help them choose a media and challenge them with a project idea. “Why don’t you make a pop-up card for Grandma’s birthday?” Or, “What about doing a sidewalk chalk drawing to surprise Dad when he comes home?” When in doubt, ask them to draw a story, either real or imagined. What is helpful is to recognize that your child likely sees your home as an imaginative space. Even famous artists and writers had creative blocks. Remember that simple is good. Send them out amongst the trees to pick up twigs to make a fairy house. Set up a sandbox or a dirt pile. I used to spend endless hours at my childhood sandbox. I pulled out the hose and soaked the sand, and after it was the right texture, I sculpted it into a fort. Then I let it dry, cut out arched entrances and brought out my toys to play. Be open to your child creating his or her own game. You can allow an odd idea to blossom into a creative new pastime. I would often wad up paper, making a homemade ball, and juggle it in the air with upward hand slaps.
Many parents can interest their children in summer camps, connected with their particular religious group, or crafts programs—special academic interest or located at some inspiring state park. In Louisville we have a plethora of possibilities for all of these summer camps. There is a smorgasbord of locations to explore—puppet shows, museums, zoo, live performances, and more. It’s good to balance what for you may be high maintenance activities—where you do the planning, buy the stuff and maybe have to stay with junior for hours—versus lower maintenance but possibly higher cost—classes, workshops and vacations. If you have a bit more time than money, you can keep an eye out for people as resources. Make a deal with the local storyteller to come work with your kids for two hours, and you can offer to bake them a dinner or design their business brochure. You get free time, and your kids get a genuine spark of inspiration that can fuel them for a week. It’s like play/professional development for kids. Think outside the box. It’s your summer too, dance along and make it creative.
Remember that, as with the school year, your child will likely have some very dramatic emotional highs and lows. Plan a weekly fun family meeting; remember to include the FUN with the business time. Talk about what is working, and what is not working for your summer. Ask your children for workable solutions. For example, your twelve-year old son complains that when he goes to his grandparents, they have nothing fun to do. First, try to tease out what’s happening by asking what used to work and why that doesn’t work anymore. Ask him how he feels about being there and if the issue might not be what to do as much as maybe a reduced time. He may not want to have a babysitter anymore. Maybe the relationships are in process of changing, or he could prefer to hang out more with grandpa versus grandma. Family meetings give kids a preview into your plans, allow them to express a voice in planning, and create a pressure release for challenging emotions. Try to make the meetings as democratic as possible, and, if not during the meeting, then certainly afterwards—bring out the treats!
The only limit is in your mind, and why don’t you model, for your children, a mind that is not limited? During the summer between my high school sophomore and junior years I was inspired to paint a small mural of the American flag in our basement. Enable your child to find or create their own positive entertainment. I asked a nine-year old to list his favorite things about summer. In order he listed: vacation, video games, fishing, camps, grandparents, movies, zoo, making things, baseball, read, outside play, sleep. Video games as number two is not surprising, but notice that fishing and grandparents are also high on his list.
I called Brenda Clark (LPCC) who has counseled children for many years, to ask for advice on how to best guide children when school is out. She said, “Slow down the pace. If you can’t afford to go to Hawaii, pick a week where you dress and decorate in that style. If your kids have summer school, then remind them that the days will be limited and the hours will be less than regular school.”
So there you have it. Life is good, get out a blanket on a cool, clear night and look at the stars. Tell your children stories about what you did on your summers. And remember one of the best therapeutic summer interventions for kids—ice cream.